Back in Wisconsin Again

Phoebe is visiting her family this week. We, of course, accompanied her. Here are the facts so far.

1. Third shift is a great time to drive! We left Sewanee at 11:16 pm Thursday and arrived in Waukesha at 11:34 am Friday. That's with a total of nearly two hours of stops for attending Phoebe and fueling the car.


2. Change your air filter! We got an extra 3 mpg on our trip thanks to that. Total mpg this trip: 46. Thank you Volkswagen's TDI engine.


3. It's a small world. I met a colleague in a random southern-Indiana Waffle House at 3:30 in the morning. She was taking a french foreign exchange student to see the sights in Chicago. Weird.


4. Wisconsin is King of the Custard Stand. We've been to Kopp's and Culver's in less than a week. If you don't know what I'm talking about than you have NO IDEA what you're missing. This is just proof that God loves Wisconsin.


5. Food poisoning sucks! I've been messed up since Sunday night. Under doctor's orders, I received 2 litres of saline on Monday afternoon to keep me from dehydrating. I only just started eating real food again today (Wednesday) and I'm still a bit queasy.


6. Family is amazing. I have had a wonderful time, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. I don't want to go back and not just because I start teaching next week.

Mutant Cat

Every spring we try to get Mercutio sheared. He's a long haired cat. As he sheds his winter coat it has a tendency to clump in his remaining fur. It gets so matted we pay some one to cut them out.

He normally ends up looking like an Animal Planet reject, but at least pseudo-lion is only a slightly embarrassing look. He's good for a few laughs as we get used to seeing how tiny he looks without his quarter ton of fluff.

This year has been different to say the least. With Baby on the way we kept putting Merc's grooming off. Being on the mountain, the nearest groomer is an hour away. I finally made the appointment, packed the cat, made the drive, dropped off the cat, and headed out to run some errands while kitty got clipped.

Not five minutes from the groomer's, I got the call. Merc tried to bite the ladies several times. They couldn't finish his haircut. I was stuck bringing home this freak of nature. I was told we could have his vet sedate him and shear him. The vet's office will only shear him if it is, "medically necessary."

So what disease should I infect Mercutio with so he can finally look like an actual cat?

Still My Hero

After nearly seventy years, Batman is still my favorite superhero. I'm a little pained that I haven't been able to The Dark Knight yet. Such are the joys of fatherhood. I wouldn't give Phoebe up for anything, mind you, I'd just like to see my guy on the big screen.

I remember the summer of 1989. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was released some weeks prior to Tim Burton's Batman. Nineteen years later and history's repeating itself. I must have seen Michael Keaton in foam rubber and Jack Nicholson chewing scenery at least a half-dozen times before starting middle school that fall.

My personal Batmania doesn't even begin there. I remember being a little guy in my parents' first apartment. I divided my time between reenacting scenes from The Empire Strikes Back and watching reruns of Adam West and Burt Ward camping it up in their '60s vehicle.

It seems Batman has been with me for as long as I can remember. Someday I'll be able to share my love of the Caped Crusader with my Phoebster.

The poor girl doesn't stand a chance.

Best Candy Ever?

I have loved Sour Patch Kids since their introduction in 1985. I was the perfect age to be suckered in by their anti-Xavier Roberts ad campaign and "adults hate it" flavor.

Unlike many of my compatriots, I have been consistently enjoying these little guys for the last twenty-plus years. I remember a time when they were only seen for sale by weight from a candy counter. The open air storage of those early SPKs is likely what led to my preference for stale gummies of all stripes. Yes, I have a texture preference in my Sour Patch Kids. I know that makes me weirdo. I don't care. I proudly fly my freak flag for this and other issues.

Now, I must admit, it has been a few years since I've burned off my taste buds with citric acid due to what can only be described as SPK overdose. However, the exact number of years can be counted on one hand. To be even more exact, Roland Deschain of Stephen King's Dark Tower cycle could count them on the remainder of his right hand. How's that for geekiness?

Monkey-Girl needed to get away from Phoebe and the house for a little while today. When she came back, besides being recharged, she had a bag of these delicious bits of heaven.

She's an angel.

Raising My Daughter on the Classics

I just got done watching Clash of the Titans, Ray Harryhausen's 1981 stop-motion special effects opus. My siblings and wife are all too young to remember this film. I was in love with the thing.

I remember Christmas Eve '81 receiving the Kraken toy and experiencing the joy of owning a toy that could eat my 3.75 inch action figures for breakfast. He was the king of my toy shelf for many months. In fact, he was one of the few privileged toys of mine to cross dimensions into other toy mythologies. Darth Vader would often call in Kraken's four mighty arms to deliver some hurt. He-Man stood a better chance against him, but only by cowering in Castle Grayskull. I don't think Kraken survived to meet the likes of the Transformers, but I'm pretty sure it would have taken Omega Supreme to make him break a sweat.

I felt it was my duty to introduce Phoebe to the magic of obscure cinema monsters. Through Netflix's streaming videos, I think I've set her on the right path.

Crafty Monkey

Adorning the wall above Phoebe's crib is my newest crafty endeavor. We call it Monkey-Face-Rug. Well, we would if we referred to it often enough to give it a name.

When making the hour-and-a-half trek to our "nearest" Hobby Lobby to find the last skein of floss for Wheeljack, I saw this guys ugly mug beneath a sign stating, "Latch Hook Rug Kits 50% Off." That's probably the longest sentence I've written in a quite a while. For five bucks, who could pass up the opportunity to craft one's own monkey head? Actually it was five for the kit and 2 for the latch hook. Still, for seven dollars who wouldn't want their own monkey head. Then there's the 9.25% Tennessee sales tax. Yet who could pass up -- never mind.

Latch hooking is a pretty fun craft. It's very quick which can be very gratifying, but there's something inexpressibly empty about it. I don't know. There are dog people and cat people. We, as a society, have come to accept that and let it be. Perhaps I'm just a cross stitch person.

At the end of the day, I just hope that Phoebe appreciates her Monkey-Face-Rug guardian. If not, it was $7.65.

Fruit Snacks, Manly Fruit Snacks

When one buys fruit snacks to tide one over during one's wife's labor, one has options. (It's weird what you'll write about when sleep deprived, but stick with me. This blog has been an anchor for me.)

It seems that Kellogg's has the market on girly snacks. They boast Dora the Explorer, Disney Princesses, and Barbie. Unfortunately, Kellogg's fruit snacks list high-fructose corn syrup and sugar as the first two ingredients. (Sad clown face.)

Betty Crocker to the rescue! The first ingredients listed are fruit juice (apple and pear) and corn syrup (not the high-fructose kind either). As a bonus, Betty secured the licence for the coolest boy themed fruit snacks. Shown above are the top three: Batman, Spider-Man, and Transformers. Left at the store were the Scooby Doo snacks. Discretion is the better part of valor, but imagine being able to carry a pouch of Scooby snacks in your pocket for emergencies.

Then again, one only seems to have Scooby snack related emergencies when one is high.

That's not how I roll.

Seven Beautiful Years

Monkey-Girl and I have been married for seven years today.

We're busy enjoying ourselves.

More tomorrow.

A Little Bit of Luxury

There's nothing better to do on a Sunday night than giving your baby a bath then sitting down to a light dinner of brie, a baguette, seedless grapes, and cherries. Top that off with streamed episodes of Lost from abc.go.com, and wow.

We don't get out much.

Fake Blog Entry

Too busy enjoying SNL with my baby-momma. Catch you tomorrow!

Mission Accomplished

"Success through lowered expectations."

It's a phrase some of my more cynical colleagues will pull out when we get good news as part of our standardized test results. I dislike it tremendously. How demeaning for the students!

Since this particular entry only deals with my accomplishments, I guess I can use the phrase without being a total hypocrite.

"Success through lowered expectations." I've finished my Transformers cross stitch project. How amazing! Especially so since I said I could find the floss necessary to do it. (See? That's where I lowered your expectations.)

Actually, I did finish before Phoebe was born. I only just today framed it.

Now the world will be able to gaze upon Wheeljack's lovely visage in all its folksy crafted glory.

(Hypocrite!)

Being a Dad is Ridiculous

Meet Kowl. He hangs out with She-Ra, the Princess of Power. He looks like he's part koala part owl. I really don't know much about any of the characters from She-Ra: Princess of Power owing to the fact that I'm a boy. I have a younger sister who was only mildly interested as a way of connecting with her two older He-Man loving brothers.

There is no reason I should think about this mutant bird/marsupial. I don't even like He-Man anymore! That being said, someone please tell me why sleeping on the couch next to Phoebe's bouncenette I have dreams with this dude in them.

The amount of research I had to do identify this guy necessitated this blog entry. One doesn't dig around on the internet for two hours just to say, "The crazy pink Dumbo-eared bird from my dream was named Kowl, Honey," and call it a day.

One must share his insanity . . .

The Things We Do For Love

Within seconds of Phoebe's birth, I noticed her distinctive chin. My little girl has an adorable cleft. The nurses asked whose chin that was. (Hers, duh.)

Seriously, the real reason they were asking is Monkey-Girl doesn't have a cleft and I wear a beard as often as I can. I said that Phoebe's chin was distinctive not unique. We share that in common.

Monkey-Girl asked that I shave in order to uncover the resemblance. For my girls, I took blade to chin and the results are in. (Check the button.)

Unfortunately, clefts are very difficult to capture on film. The forward flash hides them. We'll have to experiment with different lighting angles.

In the meantime, my chin is chilly.

New Decepticon Digs

Megatron looks quite jaunty on his new Tower of Evil, doesn't he?

He has my in-laws to thank for it. I pointed out its evil color-scheme to Monkey-Girl. She scoffed. After placing Megatron in his rightful place, she saw the error of her ways. She then suggested that I blog about it so that humanity mat know its days are numbered. (I made the last part up.)

What exactly is Megatron's Tower of Evil? Perhaps this will clarify things.

Shake with fear at the awesome sight of the Dyson DC07.

And thank you again, Harriet and Dexter.

Slagathor Lives!

Monkey-Girl and I are big fans of the television show Scrubs. A favorite character is Dr. Bob Kelso, Sacred Heart Hospital's Chief of Medicine. Kelso is cold, heartless and cruel, driven primarily by the hospital's bottom line rather than the well-being of patients. A recent episode shows Kelso introducing himself to the new interns. He states that, for expediency's sake, he will be referring to all the males as Dave and the females as Debbie. A woman happily says that her name IS Debbie. Kelso replys that, in fairness to the others, she will be called Slagathor.

For some reason, we fell in love with the name. It's so awful and inhuman! Now, why would I associate this hideous name with my lovely daughter? Well just look at her!

Everybody's entitled to a few bad pictures now and then. To demonstrate this, I've added a button to the side of this blog. It will lead you to Phoebe's album on Photobucket. All of her pictures - good and bad - will be added as they are taken. Keep an eye on the updates to stay in the know on the Phoebster!

God Bless Late Night Television

In the later days of Monkey-Girl's pregnancy, she found she was unable to fall asleep at a reasonable hour. Consequently, so did I. Phoebe has helped us keep up this new-found tradition.

When no sane persons are awake, there is little available for broadcast entertainment. The basic cable channels offer very little worth watching at 2 am. I can't count how many times I've seen Die Hard and Die Hard: With a Vengeance. I can't believe they've never heard of Die Hard 2! My lowest point may just have been watching most of Sylvester Stallone's Cliffhanger.

Tonight's prospects are a little better. We're watching The Fifth Element. It's nice because I remember seeing this in the theater with Monkey-Girl when we first started dating. Now Phoebe can be indoctrinated. Nice.

Then again it's still early. I'm sure Sly is waiting for me somewhere on the other side of midnight.

Phoebe Photo Phantasy

At long last, the World Wide Web debut of Phoebe Rebekah Schnaare.

Sorry, Phoebe was a bit of a challenge her first 24 hours back at the homestead. My in-laws arrived just as Monkey-Girl's milk came in. It's like a switch was flipped. She is an awesome baby.

See for yourself.