Welcome Our Newest Member

The components of the fearsome Dorothy-Bot, Oscar and Elmo, have recently been seen cavorting with a new and equally vile friend. Say hello to the alien from Alien. Just how did Mr. Alien come to join our family? Since you asked, I'll share a cute story about my amazing daughter.

Yesterday Phoeb-a-loo accompanied me to the comic shop. The shop owner was a little panicked because I had TWO WEEKS of comics to pick up. Turns out two weeks of comics equates to two comics. I didn't think that was exactly enough to make the lease payment, but what the heck! While in the shop, Phoebster was rummaging through the loose toy bin. In a tub full of Bug's Life and Pokemon toys my daughter found the tailless alien. It does make sense. Remember her second photo shoot? No? Check it out and remember to click the link there. (Two clicks! I know. I'm asking a lot.)

When your two-year-old daughter is clutching a twelve-inch Alien action figure, it's hard to say no. Since the toy was less then the price of one of my comics I would have felt guilty had I not caved. I don't know if that last statement says more about the affordability of the toy or the skyrocketing cost of comics.

I especially like how proper he looks with his hands on his knees. Such a gentleman! Phoeb-a-rino's favorite thing to do with him is lace his fingers and declare that he is praying. It just goes to show you. NO ONE is beyond redemption.

I'm Not Crazy

I can make the next statement without a SHRED of hyperbole. I have never seen an episode of Family Matters from beginning to end. The image you see above symbolizes why. For nearly all of its eight seasons Steve Urkel was there giving intelligent people a bad name.

Being a child of the '80s, I look to the early '90s from a down-my-nose perspective. For me Family Matters, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, and Saved by the Bell epitomize what was wrong with television in the decade that followed my formation as a broadcast consumer.

Why then have I chosen to pay tribute to this lightning rod of ill-will? Good question.

The answer is, because X-Entertainment.com told me to. No, it is not an adult website. (Its name has made sure it is blocked by many a web filter.) It is a nostalgia website that has been running for over ten years now. There are articles dealing with just about ANYTHING you may want to reminisce about. (I can't think of any other ways to stress the word anything.) There are old commercials for kids' cereal, Sears Wishbook reviews, vintage toy reviews, and so much more.

As Matt C., the site owner, has gotten older, he has succumbed to the pressures of "real life" and as a result the site goes dormant occasionally. Recently X-E became active again with its 2010 Summer Mega-Party the blog has been updated each day since the beginning of the Party. Around early-to-mid-September the coverage should shift to all things Halloween up until The Event. November is slower, but December sees the annual Advent Calender. (This is where I stole borrowed the idea for my advent calender last year.)

That being said, Urkel is my entry in the X-Entertainment: Least Favorite Character on TV Paint Contest. It is the Matt C.'s assertion that only the lucky or aliens can make good-looking art with Paint, the most popular pre-installed painting program on PCs. Back when X-E was starting up, Paint was all Matt C. had. Now, ten years on, he's decided to spread the frustration by having his loyal readers (me) compete for a lovely prize.

Whatcha' think?

UPDATE: My art(?) has been featured on X-E! Check it out!

#045 - Catch My Drift, part 7

Since then, [DRIFT] has hunted the Decepticons from one end of the galaxy to the other, bringing his own brand of justice to the evil robots.*


Ramjet (voice): Youse t'ink dey helped 'im escape?


Thrust: Yeah, because that's what you do to 'bots that help you escape; destroy them.


Meanwhile, in the Decepticon Thrown Room . . .

Starscream: Getting Drift's soldiers to turn on him was easier than I could have hoped. Soon the leadership of the Decepticons shall be--.


Drift: Destroyed?

Starscream: Drift! How did you . . . ?


Drift: Silence! I joined the Decepticons for their strength and honor. Today, I see that those virtues have been abandoned in favor of ambition and greed.


Starscream: You think that killing me will end it? Your Decepticons are gone. The future is mine. So, what are you going to do?

Drift: I'm here to send a message.

*SLASH!*


Drift: See that Megatron gets that for me, won't you?

*From the AUTOBOT DRIFT toy packaging.

Quake with Fear, Marvel Zombies!

Dorothy-Bot is taking on a trio of the Marvel Universe's finest. The co-creation of penguin_poet and Phoebe-a-loo is set to trounce, Ol' Bucket Head, Green Genes, and Galactus' erstwhile herald.

Dorothy-Bot is the unholy union of Oscar the Grouch and Elmo K'NEX figure building sets. (No two year old should be without a set of these. Check them out here.) The "heroes" are from Happy Meals we've enjoyed lately. (No, my daughter is not going to get a Littlest Pet Shop toy. Thank you very much.)

Since Batman wouldn't be caught dead slumming with these Marvel losers, they will need to call on reinforcements. (We'll see if I can pick up the rest of these toys without having to clog my arteries.)

#044 - Catch My Drift, part 6

Starscream (voice): Let this be a lesson to all Decepticons. The only ways to rise in our ranks are strength of body and character.


Starscream: Nothing to say to that, traitor?


Starscream: Stand guard while I oversee operations back at headquarters in Megatron’s absence. If he escapes, suspicion will fall to you, his former soldiers. You have been warned.

Mindwipe: We obey, Commander!
Skystakler: We obey, Commander!


Skystalker: Why don’t you say anything in your defense, Drift? Don’t you have one? You think if you just brood there we’re going to let you go out of pity?


Drift: I will only speak to those worthy of my voice. The Decepticons used to be my brothers in arms. That is no more. Know this! I did not leave the Decepticons. The Decepticons left me when they turned their backs on honor.


Mindwipe: He’s not worth riling up. Leave him alone.

Skystalker: Like that’s going to happen!


Skystalker: So, Mr. Too-Good-to-Talk-to-My-Old-Troops, why are you wagging your jaw at me now?


Drift: So I can do this.

Skystalker: Slag in a helmet!

#043 - Catch My Drift, part 5

Something happened that changed [DRIFT], bringing home all the horror he'd inflicted.*


Megatron: Our victory today is bittersweet. All great leaders seem to be destined to attract treachery. Their true measure is how those leaders deal with traitors.


Megatron (voice): Drift –my second, my trusted, my most powerful – how would you deal with treachery?


Drift: Disloyalty is corrosion. As such, it must be eliminated quickly and without mercy. It must never be allowed to spread.


Megatron: I could not agree more . . . Seize him!


Drift: What is this?


Megatron (voice): Your own subordinates reported plan to supplant me as leader of the Decepticons.

Mindwipe: *whisper* Hold, Bludgeon.


Megatron: You should be pleased, Drift. Your soldiers’ loyalty is strong . . . to ME!

*From the AUTOBOT DRIFT toy packaging.

#042 - Catch My Drift, part 4

Acidstorm: Explain to me again why we’re shooting dead Autobots.

Skywarp: Starscream’s orders.


Acidstorm: Really? I mean – yes, he’s our commander, but you didn’t think to question why we’re out here wasting ammo?


Skywarp: Starscream’s orders.


Acidstorm: You’re such a slagging glitch! You mean to tell me that if Starscream ordered you to open the Plasma Energy Chamber, you’d just waltz on in, and—


Starscream: He’d open it, and consider himself lucky that he did not have to face the wrath of the most powerful of Decepticons.


Acidstorm: Ah, Starscream . . . so good to see you. I was just telling Skywarp about self-reliance.

Starscream: I’m sure.


Skywarp: I mean no disrespect when I ask, but aren’t Drift and Megatron more powerful than you, Starscream?


Starscream: I, of course, meant to exclude Megatron. He is, without question, the mightiest of ALL Cybertronians. Drift, however, is a mere obstacle. Right, Ramjet?

Ramjet: Youse gots it, boss.

Acidstorm: *whisper* Thanks for telling me Starscream was right behind me.

Skywarp: *whisper* Who’s the slagging glitch now?